Albybaby
by pizzadizzical
Summary: We all know that Dumbledore's gay...but what was the real spark in his love life? FULL OF HUMOR AND JOY! PERFECT FOR A GREAT LAUGH!


REVIEW AND RESPOND NICELY PLEASE!!!!

Once upon there was a large castle that an old man named Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore lived in; he was a mighty powerful wizard. This man always had a knack for seeing the good in everyone, including his students...especially his favorite students, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and of course, Ron Weasley. Now, Ron Weasley wasn't a perfect top-class student like Hermione. Ron was, however, a prefect: a position appointed to him by the headmaster. People wondered why Harry Potter, the Boy Wonder, didn't achieve Ron's post...did he lack something, or did Ron just have something Harry didn't? Truthfully... yes, Ron DID have something Harry didn't. Now, let us see the Headmaster and pupil in their current predicament..

"Good evening, Ronald" Dumbledore smiled through his half-moon spectacles. "I see that you got my note...good, good. And only 50 minutes late!"

"I'm sorry, Albus...I just had to get away from Hermione...she's already on my case as to where I go every night at this time...I had to steal Harry's cloak for this one," said Ron, holding out the silvery material. Dumbledore glanced at the material and chuckled, "I remember the first time you ever visited me at this time of night...it was, about, 2 months ago, wasn't it Ronnie?..."

Ron sighed dreamily. "Yeah, 49 days, 2 hours, 17 minutes, 6 seconds ago... right after the Christmas Feast… not that I'm counting or anything.."

"Oh, Ron...I still remember...you were shoving all of that delicious chicken down your throat...lucky chicken..." Dumbledore moaned.

"And you, Albybaby, were getting drunk off pumpkin rum…oh, that lucky goblet, if only if only..." dreamy flashback illumination

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Ron was sitting with all of the teachers at the Christmas Feast; everyone else had left this year, including his two best friends. He decided that some alone time would do him good, because he needed to sort out his life. After practically inhaling up his raspberry treacle tart and chocolate moose muffin, Ron turned to head back to his dormitory when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

A slobbering, drunk Dumbledore was standing mere millimeters behind him, eyes going every which way. "Rooonild, er, Rawnuld, or...how 'bout I just call you Ron?," started the insanely pissed drunk Headmaster."How abouts you come uh… to…mi casa tonight, 10 pm baby?" Dumbledore slurred. Ron flushed brighter than he had ever before; so much blood had rushed to his face he thought that it might just explode.

"Um…professor? I'm pretty sure you're drunk…do you want me to lead you back to your office sir?" Ron pressed on, hoping that his flushed façade would disappear ASAP.

"Why yes," the drunken professor slurred, his accent suddenly changing to Iranian, I would quite like you to come into my headquarters…Maybe we can have a sleepover, eh?"

"Um…sure, professor," Ron blurted out without thinking, "No problem…um…why don't you just follow me? Yes…take my waist, no, no, your _right_ hand around my waist…yes, sir, just like that"

"Dumbledore stumbled and in his fall he grabbed onto Ron's hip, his wrist rubbing against the young's boy's right buttock.

Ron felt a very odd sensation and didn't know how to react to it…so he quickly dismissed the weird feeling and replaced his professor's hand back to his waist.

They walked through the corridors in that slightly awkward position in peace, when suddenly, Peeves the Poltergeist came bursting through a door clutching a handful of Itchy Powder Pompoms. Luckily for Ron,, as soon as Peeves saw the headmaster he threw down the powder and sped away. Unluckily, the itching powder slipped beneath his and the headmaster's robes, sending an itch down both of their bodies. Before either of them could contemplate the effects of the powder, the incredibly torturous itching began. The two males moaned in the hallways as the itching spread throughout their bodies. As soon as they entered the headmaster's large chamber, Dumbledore ripped his Pompom-covered clothing off of his wrinkled figure and began furiously rubbing the concoction off of every inch of skin. Ron did the exactly same thing, throwing his common sense away and stripped all of his clothing, from his second-hand blue sweater to his pink boxers with ugly demented house elves who, quite frankly, resembled Kreacher quite a bit.

:Dear me, Rawwwwnie, I didn't know you owned such a pair of charming boxers…" Dumbledore slyly grinned as his sparkling blue eyes scanned the hot pink shorts. Dumbledore slowly approached the boy, who trembled and realized exactly what was happening. Ron tried to back away, but his feet remained immobilized and resolute against the cold calloused castle stone. His teen heart was beating faster, faster…but as Dumbledore drew nearer, the warm vibe from the professor's body relaxed him, calmed him…his breath was sweet, pumpkin rummy….yummy (no pun intended). Ron suddenly sensed a snake jabbing into his mouth… the tongue tasted like sweet, sweet alcohol. Ron swayed on the spot, not expecting the sudden ecstasy, but quickly realized what he was doing: making out with his headmaster. The redhead immersed himself in his current emotions and gave in to the moving sensations and felt the heat in his body increasing by the second. They were sucked in passion and bliss, with no worries at all..., but Dumbledore started pulling away; "This just…isn't right" Dumbledore cried "I can't do this any longer, I will be fired by the Ministry of Magic!"

Ron sighed lustily as they stumbled into Dumbledore's office. "No...don't stop.. it would feel so right, if you only weren't with McGonagall. Come on, Albus, even J.K. Rowling told the world that you were in love with your own kind, so don't bother trying to conceal that fact!"

Both Dumbledore and Ron laughed. They began to draw closer once more, when suddenly, they heard stomping noises in the distance and clicks of high-heeled shoes. Ron shoved his nude body under the large bed just as the door opened.

Minerva McGonagall stepped into the disarrayed room and observed, with a suspicious eye, Dumbledore (who was the only visible one in the room), who was concealing his sweaty body without avail.

"Albus!" barked McGonagall, "What are you doing, hiding! It's not like I'm new to this, image of you, you know…"

Dumbledore, still thoroughly drunk shouted the only excuse he could muster… I'm on my period! We can't tonight…."

"Uh…Albus, I thought you wouldn't go that far into your sex change. I thought it was only up to the chest and the voice…I didn't know you were going to change your…well. THAT too."

Dumbledore tried to cover his bluff by chortling normally; he picked up his wand, tapped his body as fast as he could, and instantly, a long, silky purple robe covered his skimpy figure. "Ahh.. I love the wizarding life… robes – the best clothes to give your privates a healthy breeze…Arty was right!"

McGonagall had soon after left, and allowed the couple to get back the events of that amazing evening…

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"Yes, Ronald, I completely remember that night…..that night that started it all for the two of us," continued Albus, unaware off the sneaky and suggestive glances Ron was giving to his nether regions.

Ron replied "Yeah Alby, I'll never forget that day…just like I'll never forget this one…" and Ron drew ever so closer to the headmaster… Right before their lips connected, Dumbledore pulled away. "I have a surprise for you, my boy"

Ron closed his eyes, not before giving Albus a kinky wink. Albus quickly went to his oak cabinet, took out three Licorice Snaps, and places them adjacently on Ron's neck. The Snaps started twitching, tingling on Ron's neck, as Ron tingled too. But before long, a rather ferocious looking snap had bitten him rather unattractively, taking a large chunk out of his neck!

"Ow!" exclaimed Ron.

"Oh dear…Ronnie, I'm sorry…would you like to borrow this? It definitely helps stop the bleeding…Here, it' a Muggle brand called _Always_…I think it's called a cloth pad or something.. Muggles use it."

"Aww, thank you." Ron magically adhered the product to his wound. "Care to get back to where we were?"

"Of course, Ronnie, I'd love to," continued Albus, stripping himself of his silky violet robes.

Ron also began to derobe himself. Candles shimmered in the dark room, while moonlight poured through the windows, illuminating the two pairs of robes strewn onto the floor.

As soon as Ron hitched his leg up over the Professor's waist, there was a clatter as the door was banged open.

Severus (Snivellus) Snape stepped through the threshold and stared, just stared, at the two in action.

"Can I join?"

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